names are important
by FirePhoniex12
Summary: Over the seven years at Hogwarts, there are only five times that James calls Lily by her first name before she finally says yes.


**All rights to JK Rowling**

_i_

James Potter was bored. His new friend, Sirius Black, bolted out of the dining hall as soon as the Sorting was done. James would've gone after him, but Sirius spat out a "Don't" and never stopped running.

So he didn't.

James would find out about it, much later than he thought he would. And by then, he had already put the pieces together.

But for now, he was friendless. The food kept coming and the chatter did not stop. He could not help but let himself drown in it. Hogwarts was as great as his father said it would; the train, the ghosts, the ancient feel of magic. He took a sip of the pumpkin juice and hummed. His father had been right about that too.

"Really good, right?"

Startled, the juice onto his nose, the cup still at his lips. He turned toward the source of the voice. There was a girl next to him, her bright red locks curling around her shoulders. He rubbed his nose. Her smile blinded him.

"P-pretty good, yeah. But my dad makes better."

Somehow, she smiled wider. Her teeth were white. Maybe that was a part of the blinding process. "You're from a wizard family?"

He nodded.

"How was it growing up with magic?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Don't really know what to compare it to."

She pursed her lips. "Well...imagine if you couldn't use magic. Or you didn't even know it existed. How would discovering magic feel like?"

James stayed silent. No magic. No floating clothes up the stairs. No floating orbs of light. No Quidditch. He grimaced. "I'd say it would be pretty terrible and magic is the best thing in the world. I don't know how Muggleborns do it."

"Muggleborns?"

"Yeah, people whose parents aren't magical."

There a pause. "I'm a Muggleborn, then."

"Really? Well, don't worry about that. There are plenty of Muggleborns at Hogwarts," he tried to reassure her, but he knew that being a Muggleborn wasn't always easy. Slytherins made sure of that. His father had warned him about them. "Try to not be fazed by some of the Slytherin, though." But she didn't seem to hear him. Instead, she was focused on the two upperclassmen standing up and gesturing. They called for the first years to follow them. People complied and the girl along with them.

He rejoiced quietly when he realized she was in Gryffindor and followed her before she could weave too far into the crowd. "Wait, what's your name?"

She stopped and turned. The mixture of green and candlelight was almost as bright as her smile. "-ily Evans."

He blinked. "My name's James Potter," he held out his hand, "Nice to meet you, Ily."

She took his hand and laughed. "It's Lily. With an L." People pushed past them now, separating them slightly.

At the moment in time, he hadn't trained himself to be shameless and a blush smeared itself across his cheeks. Nonetheless, he joined in with her laughing. She had a tinkering kind of laugh.

He shook her hand again. "Nice to meet you, Lily."

* * *

_ii _

He did it. He finally did it. After three years of asking her out, he knew he wouldn't be able to utter those words again.

Everything was in ruins. James wasn't even sure why he was so adamant about the whole thing. Of course, Snivellus deserved it. He was a slimy, big-nosed git. And James would've hexed him again for what he called Evans. But something snapped inside him when he saw her retreating figure. Her shoulders shook. There were droplets on her hands that were curled into tense fists.

No matter how times he told himself he wasn't, James knew it was his fault.

He caused the girl of his dreams to cry.

He didn't deserve to ask her again. Her answer wouldn't change. James didn't fit with her. He was a prat who never listened and lived on impulse. She was the Golden girl, who planned out every step and cared about everyone. Of course, everyone decent.

There was no way he could say those words again and he knew that it wouldn't change his feelings. There was nothing that would change his feelings right now. James was in too deep, but he would try. Before that happened, there was something he had to say.

* * *

They locked eyes in an empty corridor. He stopped walking. It was past curfew and he didn't feel like sleeping nor was he ready for this. She turned and almost sprinted away, hair flying behind her. The candles flickered.

_Now or never. _

He caught up to her as she was turning the corner. Her hair seemed to glow in the shadows. The curve of her lips reshaped by her teeth. "Evans."

She slowed to a walk but said nothing, head held high. James blocked her path. She paused to glare up at him, "What do you want?" He focused on her cheekbones. There were less freckles there since first year.

It was almost a reflex to ask her by now. "You have less freckles," he blurted out instead.

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, that's what aging does. You might want to try it sometime."

"Remember first year?" He didn't know where he was going, but he kept going. "You had a lot of freckles then. You liked me then."

"That's when I didn't know you were obnoxious slugworm." Her face was blank, but her tone cut him. It was something beyond annoyance. He didn't blame her.

He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "Please. Just let me talk to you."

"Why do you think you deserve it?" His eyes flickered up. The green was shining. He did it again. His gaze returned to her cheekbone, counting the freckles this time.

"Eva-"

"What did you think you were doing?! This time, you took it too far, Potter. Snape is-was-my _friend. _My best friend! Did you ever stop and think about what you are doing!?"

"Th-"

"I thought you were finally growing up." Her eyes never left his. "But no. You are the same obnoxious arrogant selfish git I thought you were. Nothing has changed."

"You-"

"You just go around thinking that you are King of the World. Boy King of Hogwarts! No matter what you do, everyone loves you." She paused. The air between them somehow colder than before. She practically spat the next words at him. "Because you're James Potter. Because you're a Marauder. Because you're the Quidditch star. Because you're a Pure-"

"_Lily!_"

She seemed to snap out of it, eyes wide. Her hands shook like before. And James didn't know what he was going to do if she started crying. But she didn't. Those green eyes seemed to pierce through him, unreadable. "I meant everything else." She clenched her jaw and began to push past him.

He grabbed her hand. She pulled out of his grasp, but didn't move. He looked at his barefeet. "I'm sorry. I went too far. I should have just let him down. Even if it was Snivellus. If I just stopped, he wouldn't have called you a..." He swallowed. "And it was stupid to try and get you to go out with me then. The whole thing was stupid. I was stupid. And you're right. I am an arrogant toerag. But.."

"What? Are you going to say that you've changed? D-"

"No," his voice was soft now. He raised his head to look at her. "I'm just...I'm sorry."

Her response was immediate, "I don't forgive you."

He ignored the ache in his chest and nodded, "I just wanted you to know." With those words, he walked away. She didn't stop him. She just stared. He didn't look back.

If he had turned around then, there would be a teenage girl with unclenched fists and green eyes seeing something they haven't before.

* * *

_iii_

It was always a weird sensation. His limbs lengthening, his antlers ripping through his skull and yet somehow feeling completely natural. Every sense heightened. The dead night suddenly alive with animal buzz, colors and smells.

And from the sound of it, Remus had just shifted.

He galloped through the forest, the snaps of silver twigs trailing behind him. The usual high overtaken with urgency. He had to get there before Remus did something he would regret. Remus would never forgive Sirius. James would never forgive himself.

* * *

Wind whistled past his ears. He heard another slam of branch against grass. No matter how hard the Whomping Willow tried, it couldn't hit James. He was invincible as a stag. He let his limbs shrink and his sense of smell dwindle as he slid into the shack. He had to get Snivellus out, quick and quiet. The wooden floor was scratched up. But no bloodstains.

"S-stay back!"

A loud howl echoed. James raced to the opposite room, only to stop in the doorway. He was met with one Severus Snape cornered by the alter ego of his best friend. James clapped his hands together, sparking Remus's attention. The werewolf turned its head and stalked towards the noise.

"I knew it. I _knew_ it! I knew you and bloody friends were hiding something, Potter," Severus said, spotting James for the first time. "Just wait, just wait until I-"

After that, three things happened at once.

1. Remus attacked.

2. James raised his wand, "Stupefy!"

3. Severus let out a scream that rivaled the wolf's howl.

James sprinted across the blood smeared floorboards and heaved Severus up by the armpits. Remus was already beginning to stir. "We need to go." Severus struggled against James's grip, splattering blood around. He clenched his teeth, "I am trying to help you!"

"Why would you do that? Let me go! This was part of your plan. All of you! Black, Pettigrew, Lupin and you..."

The wolf was on all fours now. Its recovery time much faster than a human's. James's mind whirled through ideas. Each solution crazier than the next. If only Snape would just _shut up_..

He held the tip of his wand to the side of Snape's forehead and whispered, "Stupefy" before Snape could struggle knock the wand out of his hand. James swung Snape's lifeless body over his shoulder and began to move. The wolf followed his movements in the darkness and lunged. James threw himself on the floor, the weight of him and Severus pounding onto his stomach. The plaster on the wall behind him was ripped away, dust flying everywhere.

James got up and sped towards the door, the wolf on his heels, Snape's blood trailing. _Three more inches..._

He made it out, threw Snape to the ground and slammed his weight onto the door. There were already sounds of metal grinding and teeth mashing. James spun the gears, locking it. He slid down the door and coughed. Once, then twice, only to look down and see that his arms were covered in blood. There was no way to tell whether it was his. In hindsight, he realized that he could have just shifted and things would've been so much easier. He looked at the unconcious bloke in front of him and groaned. With Snape slung over his back again, he returned to Hogwarts on hooves.

_It's not like Snivellus could keep that secret anyway._

* * *

At first, James refused to believe it. Sirius couldn't have been so stupid. And reckless. And sell out Remus like that. But as soon as he saw the slimy git in the Shrieking Shack, all hints of doubt he had were gone.

Sirius had _betrayed _them.

His footsteps echoed throughout the empty halls. The cuts on his arms had started to burn. And his back ached. He had changed too fast and too many times tonight. He wanted to dump Snape at Madam Pomfrey's and head to the Quidditch field. He'd fly a little and throw beaters and maybe even punch Sirius in th-

"Potter?"

He could've screamed in that moment, curse the skies and grounds and whatever else caused her to be here in this moment in time. There, in front of him, was the one person that actually cared about the state of the dead weight on his back. She was also the one of two people he had absolutely no desire to see.

Instead, he stayed silent and kept walking. Maybe she would just dismiss him as a sleep walking dream. There were footsteps behind him. No such luck. She joined him, "Is that Snape? What did you do?!"

She was angry. She accused _him_ of doing something. "None of your business, Evans," he growled.

He immediately regretted it, but she didn't seem to notice. Her tone was blank again. She frighteningly good at that. "Tell me what happened or I'm going to Dumbledore."

"I was going there anyway. Right after Madam Pomfrey's."

She silently fell into step next to him then. He didn't know what caused the sudden change, but he was too tired to figure it out.

They arrived at the doors. Madame Pomfrey rushed towards him, uttering instructions and questions. James heaved Snape off his back and explained the situation. The woman just shook her head and told him to get some rest. He declined her offer to patch up his arms, but not before being shoved a salve to apply. James looked at Snape, limp and ghost pale with the moonlight streaming through the windows. The only color on him was red. He could have died tonight. He could be a werewolf the next full moon. Remus would have been the cause. James wanted to punch something, to scream, to let the world know how unfair it was. He didn't want to know easy it was for everything to fall apart.

Lily was waiting outside. She turned to question him, her eyes were soft. "James, what happened?" When he didn't answer, she probed further, "Severus was my friend. I need to know."

Hot tears stung his eyes. _Sirius. Traitor. Broken. _He really didn't trust himself to say anything right now. His voice was just above a whisper, "Not now, Lily. It's a long story."

He shoved his hair out of his eyes and began to walk away when suddenly there were two freckled arms around him. Red curls obscured his vision. He was stiff for a moment; heart beating in his ears. After a moment, he wrapped his own arms around her, melting into the hug. Her hair smelled like vanilla. She made a move to pull away, but he held on a little tighter. She was so warm. He never imagined hugging Lily would feel like this. She moved again just enough to see the color of his eyes behind the fogged up glasses. "You looked like you needed a hug."

James pulled her closer again, resting his cheek on the top of her head. They clicked into place. He closed his eyes and forgot everything he told himself about not liking Lily. This was his moment; it was their moment. Even if she acted like it never happened, he would savor it. "I did."

They _clicked_.

* * *

_iv_

"Whoooo!" Sirius shouted beside him as they flew above the lake, performing dips and dives. Remus was ahead, splashing water onto them with Peter trailing behind. The sky was clear and blue. Even though it was May, summer was already in the air.

James nodded to Sirius, who sped ahead to grab Remus. James slowed to get Peter. "What are-"

Peter's protests were replaced with a familiar tug at his bellybutton and a loud popping noise. He heard a seagull for a moment (Perfect, right location) and then was engulfed with salt water in his nose. His robes weighed him down before things finally stilled. He broke the surface to see Peter, who held up a thumbs up. Remus and Sirius popped out of the water a few seconds later. James made sure they could see him before the pointed to a nearby bank and started swimming.

His feet barely hit the sand before he panted and flopped onto it. It was already getting into his hair and robes. The bank was much further than he anticipated. James shoved his hair out of his eyes and took off his sand filled robes. His skin was pale against the wet sand. The others soon joined him. Sirius shook out his hair, getting water everywhere. He ripped off his robes with a "I'm free!" and sat next to James. Remus came second, glaring furiously at them. "Whose idea was it!?"

Peter made his entrance then, carefully folding his now wet robes and setting away from them. "I'd say it was Prongs. Saw him nod and everything."

James gave Peter a look and turned to Remus, "It wasn't me! Padfoot forced me!"

Sirius got up quickly and put James into a headlock whilst trying to look casual. "I swear, Moony. It wasn't me. High speed flying and apparating is very _dangerous_! We could have been _splinched_!"

"Padfoot, get off!" James threw Sirius into the sand.

"Really awaking that inner beast, aren't ya, Prongs?" Sirius laughed, head on on the sand. Remus's eye twitched. He looked at James, who nodded.

"What are you two-AH!" They lunged at him at the same time. Sirius rolled to the left, avoiding James only to be caught by Remus.

"I call Wormtail as my backup!" Peter faithfully leapt into action, blocking James from doubling up on Sirius. James started laughing as he wrestled Peter into the sand.

"Mayday! He started laughing, Padfoot!" Peter said, ironically with laughter in his voice. Sirius escaped the clutches of Remus long enough to join James and Peter, "I will save you!"

Remus let out a laugh and grabbed Sirius's ankle before he could get further enough. But Sirius was prepared, somehow causing Remus to shift towards Peter and James. "I knew you loved me, Padfoot, but no need to be so forward," Remus taunted. Their arms were locked now, struggling against each other, standing. Sirius let out a snort, "I was never one to be so subtle." With a huff, he pushed Remus into James and Peter. Remus made Sirius fall with them. And they all tumbled down a hill, kicking up sand and dirt.

They all ended in a pile of sand, limbs and laughter.

"Prongs, your armpit is in my face!"

"Well get it out of there!"

"I can't. Something is on top of me."

"Peter, is that your foot? It better be your foot."

James groaned at the weight of three weight on top of him. His head hit the sand and his glasses were skewed. The world was tilted on its axis.

A snort caught his attention. An upside down version of the girl who always seemed to catch him in the worst of situations entered his vision. "Hi Evans," he exaggerated a smile.

She raised an eyebrow, "I always knew there was something more than friendship between you four."

He struggled to stand up, enticing a chorus of groans and yells. He pushed Sirius off, Peter out of his armpit and Remus's shoulders off his legs. They were all standing now. James rubbed the sand out of his hair and grimaced, "You have no idea."

She grinned and turned to help Remus up, "Hello Lily. What are you doing here?"

"Marlene wanted to come and dragged the rest of us along with her," she said, gesturing to the three other figures walking towards them.

"Marlene gets what Marlene wants," Sirius added.

Lily ignored this, "What are you guys doing here?"

"I have no idea," Remus said, glaring at Sirius and James, who shrugged sheepishly in response.

She smiled, "That's usually your answer."

* * *

They spent the rest of the day, doing the summer things in spring. They swam and ate ice cream and attempted a makeshift game of Quidditch over the seawater (Peter fell in twice). Lily and Remus tried to explain a Muggle game called volleyball. Sirius was extremely talented at it while James didn't understand half of it. Where were the lines? Why was it only three hits? (But mostly because he couldn't stop looking at Lily, with her hair in a ponytail and she was showing much more skin than he was used to seeing. She had freckles _everywhere._)

His team won anyway. (Not without an angry spike from Lily when she realized he was staring.)

The day ended with a game of Exploding Snap, which Marlene won and gloated about for the next hour until they realized that the sun was already setting and that they needed to get back to Hogwarts. They went to find their robes and change into something dry. James was the quickest, so he sat down on a patch of grass and waited. Things were much easier between him and Evans, but it was still a little uncomfortable at times. (Every time he looked at her in that way, he knew he couldn't. That he shouldn't.)

There was a rustle behind him.

He glanced up and caught his breath. It almost hurt to see how beautiful she was. Her hair was lit up again, not with candlelight, but with the sunset. The orange swirls blending in with yellow and red tangles. Her eyelashes cast long shadows against her freckled cheekbones. He let himself breath again.

"Get out of the way, Evans, you're blocking the view."

She smirked, "Potter, I am the view."

_Yes, you are. _

"No way," he said, standing up and stalking towards her. He tried to keep a poker face, but the grin broke through anyway. "Move."

Instead, her smirk morphed into a blinding smile. He struggled to breath again. "Make me."

He wasn't sure if she knew how her words sounded, but he wasn't going to decline.

In seconds, his arms were around her waist and heaving her in the air. She struggle against him, "Potter!" There was laughter in her voice, so he assumed he wasn't in too much trouble. He swirled her to the right and set her down again, letting go of her waist. "You said to make you," he plopped back down on the grass, "And I did."

He feigned looking at the sunset (which was actually very pleasant) and ignored her glare. If he did turn at that moment, he would have seen her blush. But he didn't. He only looked at her after she composed herself and sat down next to him. "It is a pretty view."

_Not as pretty as you._

The scent of vanilla was in the air. "Yeah, much better than Wormtail shirtless."

She laughed again. She was closer than he gauged. The words slipped out. "Lily, can I ask you something?"

Her face sobered. She nodded. He looked at her. Her hands were shaking again. The bottom of her lip caught between her teeth. And he desperately wanted to let the question free. But he couldn't. He wasn't good enough. She didn't want him. That was clear. James took a deep breath and buried it inside him. He asked something else. Something that was equally important.

"Are we friends?"

She released a breath of relief. James must have imagined the hint of disappointment he heard. Her hands weren't shaking anymore. Her eyes found his. Green met hazel. Those wonderful lips curved into another grin, "Of course."

* * *

_v_

It wasn't a kiss. They were both drunk. It didn't count. It couldn't.

He tried to convince himself that, twisting in bed. _Her lips were melted into his, like they belonged there. Their left hands were tangled together. Her other hand was curled in his hair, tugging every so often. "Closer," she whispered. Her eyelashes grazing his cheek, sending fires throughout him every time he felt the feather light touch._

He tossed the blanket off the bed and sprinted out the door. It wasn't a kiss. It didn't count. It was so much more.

No. No. She was drunk. He was drunk. He grabbed the Map and cloak and slipped out of the Heads compartment, heading toward the Quidditch field. His bare feet hitting the wet grass. There was no way she could like him that way. She probably thought he was someone else. What could she have possibly meant by "closer"?

He let out a shout of frustration and flew higher. There was an uncomfortable strain on his pants and she was the cause. Why did they have to go and drink Firewhiskey? Why did he agree? He should have been prepared. This could have been a possibility. Except he never thought about it. There was no way she could have kissed him. He must've just imagined in his drunken haze. He flew faster, white clouds just blurs in the night sky. It was a half moon tonight.

He had stopped glancing around for her in classes. He didn't hex any Slytherins anymore. He was able to talk comfortably about rounds and schools and the Marauders with her. There were moments he could make her laugh and be okay with just that. There were no more dreams about her lips and her laugh and her smile. He stopped biting back words he wanted to say. The ache in his chest had started to dull.

But then, they had to go and kiss.

* * *

He flew around until he was on the brink of hypothermia and reluctantly returned to Earth. He only noticed that he was outside Lily's door when he was about to knock on it. He stopped himself. What was he doing? They didn't have to talk about it.

But he knew that they did. He knocked. She probably wouldn't answer anyway.

"..."

He would wait three more seconds, then leave.

3, 2...

"Potter, what are you doing?" She opened the door and leaned against it, groggy.

He closed his eyes and opened them again. Her toes were peaking out from her too long pajama pants. "Can I come in?"

"Can it wait until the morning?" she groaned. _Tongues battled, the noise she made when he bit her neck. Closer._

He throbbed.

"I might die from lack of sleep if I put it off any longer."

She sighed and opened her door a bit wider, "Come on in."

He turned on the light as they both leaned against her headboard. She tugged a blanket around her, but seemed more awake now. "What is it, Potter?"

She didn't seem to remember. Did it happen? He looked at her lips, puffy and bruised. It happened. "Do you...do you remember?"

"Remember?" She raised an eyebrow, but the back of her neck was a bright red.

James let himself blush, "You do."

She looked away, nodding. "Yeah."

They paused awkwardly like that for a few moments. He searched for right words, "It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. I can pretend it never happened." He would that would be impossible. He knew that memory would be imprinted on the back of his eyelids for the rest of his life. But she probably wanted them to forget. So he would try.

She took a deep breath and leaned towards him. He didn't move. "I don't want to pretend."

He swallowed, "Okay."

She leaned closer, vanilla entering his nostrils. He couldn't. There was no way. This must be a dream. It must be a really good dream. Or the best reality. "Ask me, James."

"_I don't forgive you." _

He shook his head. He wasn't right for her. He broke her heart. She lifted his head. Their eyes met. Something in him snapped again. She was so close. He was losing control.

"James, I like you. You're not the same boy from fifth year. I'm not the same girl. I don't how it happened and frankly, I don't care anymore. There is just something that happens when I am with you..."

_They just clicked. _

"Lily Evans, will you go out with me?"

"Yes," she smiled. "Yes."

Their foreheads touched and finally, their lips connected.

* * *

He called Lily five times before she finally said yes. And many more times after that.

Yelled into the sky ("She said yes! Lily said yes!")

Whispered into her lips ("I love you, Lily Evans. Marry me.")

Laughed in their new home ("Listen Lily! Harry said Dad first!")

But he wouldn't forget the first five times he called her name. They flashed through his mind, along with Sirius's laugh, Remus's voice and Harry's first words, as his head hit the tile and he met his end.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! It really means a lot. Please review ^-^ I would love see if I should write more Jily oneshots. **


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